My Husband, "The Pro"

I'm living with an expert on most every kind of sport

Whether on the baseball diamond, or on the tennis court.

He calls each play in basketball and thinks he is the ref

Sometimes he yells at them so much, I wish that I were deaf.

I'll never cease to be amazed how often they are wrong,

According to my husband, it happens all year long.

It's actually a miracle that games get played at all,

Without my darling husband there to argue every call.

There's hardly anything he doesn't know about the game,

He'll gladly quote you all the stats, and every player's name.

The umpires are all half blind, and carry too much weight,

He's been giving me that routine since 1968.

He gets so damned excited shouting, "Jerk, you should have bunted!"

Or, "Man, you must be crazy not to see we should have punted!"

"The ball was out!".. "His foot was in!".. it really doesn't matter,

I've grown accustomed to his voice and all his endless chatter.

It's not easy being married to a man that knows it all,

I wish that he could hear himself, like I do thru the wall.

I escape into our bedroom and just hope that we are winning.....

"Is it over?" I inquire..."OH MY GOD, IT'S EXTRA INNINGS!"

By Dawn Stratton©