SO YOU'RE PREGNANT! !
Being pregnant is just wonderful, it fills a woman's needs
No matter that it means she'll have another mouth to feed
They tell you that you're beautiful, you have that "inner" glow
Some knew of my condition long before I told them so
"We thought that you were getting fat, we're glad that's not the case
Your hips are getting larger plus it seems you've lost your waist"
It's bad enough I'm throwing up: my clothes are all too tight
I take Maalox for my heartburn and my bowels aren't working right
I'm retaining lots of water which has caused my feet to swell
And to be quite frank about it, in a word I feel like HELL!
I bought myself a brand new dress, bright pink with lots of pleats
I thought it would be just the thing, to show the folks I meet
My husband (dear heart that he is) said something he felt relevant
"It's the first time in my memory that I've seen a real PINK ELEPHANT!"
They say he will recover and I think he's learned his lesson
When your wife is big and pregnant, it's with Dynamite you're messin!
I noticed at a party many beauties . . . mostly slim
He oohed and aahed at all of them and they of course "loved" him!
Then talk about embarrassment, I heard a joke by chance
I got into a laughing fit and promptly wet my pants!
Such is the joy of pregnancy, there's nothing to compare
I feel just like a "Hippo", when I see folks stop and stare
So I made myself a promise that the day my child was born
I'll get rid of all those "preggie" clothes, their loss I will not mourn
As soon as it is possible, I'll shed this extra weight
I'll even mark the calendar, four months will be the date
I'll starve myself, I'll exercise and spend time in the sauna
By the time I see my friends again, I'll look just like MADONNA!
I'll be so very sexy that my husband's bound to flip
And if he gets turned on I'll say. . . DON'T EVEN THINK OF IT! ! !
Yes pregnancy is wonderful, but let me make this clear
I'd go through all of it again, . . . in about a hundred years!